to someone in grief, I am here to listen

On this day, some years ago, my mother died. I don’t have words to describe the cocktail of pain and emotions that have poured through my soul since then; grief broke me into tiny little pieces.

On some days, I feel like I am over it; on some other days,  I sob and shake and struggle to breathe. Sometimes, I can push it away all day; at other times, I allow it to rush back in the dead of the night.

Through it all,  I am grateful for the emotional generosity of the people who have listened to me when I could not stop talking about my mother’s life and death. The ones who have given me time to hear my stories without shutting me up with “move on” and the other common phrases people tell you when they want you to stop talking about your grief.

In a way, their listening helped me process my loss and find some clarity.

Now, I also take some time out to listen to people going through grief and need someone to talk to. It doesn’t matter if they lost their loved one last week, last month, last year or even twenty years ago. If they want to talk, I listen as they share their memories, joys, regrets and pains.

I listen as they talk about things that may be too difficult to discuss with other people in their lives. I listen as they unburden and try to find healing – no judgements, prejudices, preaching, just life-giving soul-to-soul conversations.

I am not a therapist, and I am not a life coach; I am not a certified grief counsellor; I am just another soul, like you, trying to make sense of life and of death.

some real questions you can ask your mother before she is gone

Sometimes, a question comes to my mind, and I want to ask my mother, but I can’t; she died some years ago.

If your mother is still here, take some time to ask her questions that will help you better understand who she is beyond being your mother.

This is not just for you but also a gift to her.

As parents grow older, they spend a lot of time thinking about their lives; having someone to listen to them as they meditate about their life experiences is priceless.

Here are some questions you can ask, and you can add or remove as you like; these are just guides.

1.   Tell me one experience that has had the most profound effect on your life?

2. What is one life lesson that took you the longest to learn?

3. What were your dreams for the future when you were younger? How far or close to it are you?

4. What do you think your gift to the world is, and have you delivered it?

5. If you have all it takes to start a support group right now, which group of people will it be for and why?

6. What do you want the most right now for yourself?

7. Is there anything you want to know about me but have never asked?

8. Is there pain or trauma from your past that you never genuinely healed from?

9. What would it be if you could change something from the past?

10. If you can ask God one question about yourself and get an answer straight from Him, what will it be?

11. What do you think is your greatest blessing apart from your children?

12. What are your greatest fears?

13. What do you want us to always remember you for?

14. What are you most proud of yourself for?

15. Tell me about my conception and birth story ( if you don’t already know)

16. Walk me through your life journey from childhood till now.

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I Have A Gift For You!

I use the power of written words to help people find emotional clarity despite their life’s pains, pressures, and uncertainties.

It is a divine assignment given to me so I can bring some light and healing to the world.

It is God’s gift to the world sent through me.

Think of me as one of your cheerleaders, encouraging you, rooting for you, and helping you find the inner strength to keep going even when life gets hard.

In a world filled with so much negativity, judgment, and hopelessness, my words will nourish your soul with positivity, encouragement, spirituality, love, and light.

Starting in April 2020, I will be delivering this gift through emails. They will be short, straight-to-the-point, and written as honestly and real as if I am having a conversation with you over a nice cup of coffee – no judgments, no prejudices, just life-giving soul to soul conversations.

Will you like to receive my emails once or twice a month? Please use the form below to join the mailing list (you can unsubscribe anytime you want)

I am on Instagram @sholaokubote

 

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