There are two women communities I belong to on Facebook.

The first group was created by a woman who suffered physical and emotional abuse in her previous marriage.

In her community, she teaches women never to settle for less. She has settled for less before and knows it is not worth it.

The second group was created by a woman with one of the most beautiful marriages I know.

In her community, she teaches women they can have the best in marriage. She has done it, so she knows it is possible.

I have followed their work for almost a decade and seen how they have impacted the lives of thousands of women in their groups.

Out of a bad marriage and out of a good marriage have come life experiences that have helped to raise many women who now make better choices in their relationships.

They have used their different marriage experiences to serve the same good purpose.

Some time ago, I got a glass bowl and packs of Post-it notes in different colours.

Every day, I wrote one thing I was grateful for on a Post-it note, folded it into a perfect square and dropped it into the bowl.

Many days, I did; some days, I didn’t. No pressure.

One day, I needed more space in my chest of drawers, so I moved the bowl somewhere else, and over time, I thought less about it!

Yesterday, I was shopping online for a journal and saw a gratitude journal; it reminded me of my bowl.

So, I brought out my big gratitude bowl full of colourful notes!

Then I did something I had not done before – I read all the notes!

I was in awe, remembering the stories behind each note –  little miracles that have filled my life.

My heart burst open with gratitude for all the answered prayers and little everyday miracles my life has been filled with!

Your life, too, is filled with thousands of miracles. Notice them

***

It is so easy for us to look at people celebrating their big wins on social media with the hashtag #childofgrace and think grace is only for some special people.

No, it is not; if you are here living and breathing, grace is available for you too.

Do you remember someone who rose to help you without asking for anything? That was grace.

Do you remember when you escaped what could have been a fatal injury? That was grace.

Do you remember the pain in your body that suddenly disappeared? That was grace.

Do you remember when you got that opportunity, even when you had given up? That was grace.

Do you remember when you got a piece of information that changed your life for the better? That was grace.

Do you remember how you were protected from the bad consequences of a wrong choice? That was grace.

Do you remember when your needs were met in ways you did not see coming? That was grace.

Do you remember that thing you thought would destroy you, but it made you stronger? That was grace.

You know that good thing you are so gifted at doing better than others? That is grace.

Do you remember that song and the message you stumbled on? The ones that helped you hold on to faith during a hard time? That was grace.

Even going out and returning home to lay your head down at the end of this day is grace!

So, wake up daily in the consciousness of and gratitude for the grace available to you.

Let go of doubts, let go of fear, let go of comparisons, open up your heart and embrace God’s ever-present grace.

Be courageous to live, dream and pursue opportunities.

Ask, seek and knock, knowing that there is a power higher than you are, able to watch out for you, make way for you and send help your way.

On this day, some years ago, my mother died. I don’t have words to describe the cocktail of pain and emotions that have poured through my soul since then; grief broke me into tiny little pieces.

On some days, I feel like I am over it; on some other days,  I sob and shake and struggle to breathe. Sometimes, I can push it away all day; at other times, I allow it to rush back in the dead of the night.

Through it all,  I am grateful for the emotional generosity of the people who have listened to me when I could not stop talking about my mother’s life and death. The ones who have given me time to hear my stories without shutting me up with “move on” and the other common phrases people tell you when they want you to stop talking about your grief.

In a way, their listening helped me process my loss and find some clarity.

Now, I also take some time out to listen to people going through grief and need someone to talk to. It doesn’t matter if they lost their loved one last week, last month, last year or even twenty years ago. If they want to talk, I listen as they share their memories, joys, regrets and pains.

I listen as they talk about things that may be too difficult to discuss with other people in their lives. I listen as they unburden and try to find healing – no judgements, prejudices, preaching, just life-giving soul-to-soul conversations.

I am not a therapist, and I am not a life coach; I am not a certified grief counsellor; I am just another soul, like you, trying to make sense of life and of death.

Sometimes, a question comes to my mind, and I want to ask my mother, but I can’t; she died some years ago.

If your mother is still here, take some time to ask her questions that will help you better understand who she is beyond being your mother.

This is not just for you but also a gift to her.

As parents grow older, they spend a lot of time thinking about their lives; having someone to listen to them as they meditate about their life experiences is priceless.

Here are some questions you can ask, and you can add or remove as you like; these are just guides.

1.   Tell me one experience that has had the most profound effect on your life?

2. What is one life lesson that took you the longest to learn?

3. What were your dreams for the future when you were younger? How far or close to it are you?

4. What do you think your gift to the world is, and have you delivered it?

5. If you have all it takes to start a support group right now, which group of people will it be for and why?

6. What do you want the most right now for yourself?

7. Is there anything you want to know about me but have never asked?

8. Is there pain or trauma from your past that you never genuinely healed from?

9. What would it be if you could change something from the past?

10. If you can ask God one question about yourself and get an answer straight from Him, what will it be?

11. What do you think is your greatest blessing apart from your children?

12. What are your greatest fears?

13. What do you want us to always remember you for?

14. What are you most proud of yourself for?

15. Tell me about my conception and birth story ( if you don’t already know)

16. Walk me through your life journey from childhood till now.

I use the power of written words to help people find emotional clarity despite their life’s pains, pressures, and uncertainties.

It is a divine assignment given to me so I can bring some light and healing to the world.

It is God’s gift to the world sent through me.

Think of me as one of your cheerleaders, encouraging you, rooting for you, and helping you find the inner strength to keep going even when life gets hard.

In a world filled with so much negativity, judgment, and hopelessness, my words will nourish your soul with positivity, encouragement, spirituality, love, and light.

Starting in April 2020, I will be delivering this gift through emails. They will be short, straight-to-the-point, and written as honestly and real as if I am having a conversation with you over a nice cup of coffee – no judgments, no prejudices, just life-giving soul to soul conversations.

Will you like to receive my emails once or twice a month? Please use the form below to join the mailing list (you can unsubscribe anytime you want)

I am on Instagram @sholaokubote

———————-